Another appointment

Hello Dreamers!

Happy Tuesday! I hope this post finds you well.

So, last Friday was another appointment with the VA, this time it was with a Physicians Assistant in the Claims office to see if my back needed to be added to my disability claim or not.

Last June (2015), I tried to have my back added to my disability claim once I was told that I have Thoracic Degenerative Disk Disease, but later on during the process, it was never added to my claim. I have degeneration of T5/T6 (this is the most noticeable area), T7/T8, and T9/T10 according to the MRI that I had done on my back last year. 

The gentleman that I met with for my claim was pretty cool. He was an Army veteran, had spent several years as a Medic before he got out and started working with the VA. He kind of reminded me of a biker or something with his long silver hair tied back in a ponytail and a longish handlebar type mustache (not sure if that is the best way to describe his mustache but that is what I am going with).

As he was reviewing my claim he was highly incensed to realize that my Thoracic DDD was no where to be found on my ratings. They didn't agree with it, they didn't deny it, nothing... they just swept it under the rug. According to him, this is against regulations within the VA. There was even a proposed rating listed in my initial proposal before the claim just disappeared all together! I'm not even surprised that this happened, so I'm not even mad. I just asked him so what do we do from here?

He also said that my GERD (gastroesophogeal reflux disease) wasn't properly diagnosed or rated, so we needed to have a discussion about that. While it was listed as a service connected disability stemming from my deployment, they didn't give me a rating on it. He spent most of the appointment (which took about 3 hours) asking me questions and looking through digitized copy of my medical records from the Army. I had mixed feelings about the appointment as a whole. I wasn't sure if this appointment was going to work out in my favor or if he was going to be like some of the other doctors I'd met at that particular VA and not want to help me because he thinks I am faking it.

Turns out he was actually there to help me! He said that since there is documented proof that I have degeneration in my back, then he is advocating to get it placed on my disability claim simply because it exists. He said that it should've never been taken off in the first place, no matter what stage of my MEB I was in when it was diagnosed because up until the day I was discharged, I was still on active duty. The other good news was he was working on my GERD as well. He asked me some questions after reading the notes and determined that they didn't properly diagnose my GERD, while I have it, it's more severe then they listed in the diagnosis and on my disability claim. 

It was refreshing to have someone in my favor, not just at this particular facility, but with my claim in general. The problem with the VA is that the doctors are overbooked, so you only get one scheduled appointment with them a year unless they tell you that you need to come back. I need to go get some labs done, I just hate blood draws, so I keep pushing that one off (bad Jenn... I know better). I need to start scheduling more appointments with the doctors there because I am not getting better and the medication that they prescribe me isn't helping. I've been using the excuse of a busy schedule (which is partially true) but I just need to get off my bum actually schedule some appointments. It doesn't help that the last time I tried to schedule an appointment with mental health they didn't have an availability for the next two months (good thing I am not one of those vets that are suicidal and need more attention than I do....)

I guess the moral of this story, my fellow spoonies, is to just keep at it with your doctors. Make sure they know that you aren't going away until you get the help you need, no matter what. Don't take a mediocre answer as the last one, there are always people out there that are more willing to help you, you just might need to find them! There is hope out there, and I understand how frustrating this life can be... but there is hope of help!

"I Love" Sunday's v.70

Hello dearest Dreamers!!!

I hope this post finds you well.

I know that it has been a while since I've been on the blog, and there really isn't much of an excuse other then my fibromyalgia has been kicking me in the butt. I am going to cover the last two weeks for things that I love since I've been absent.

** We had another show on the 20th, this time in Wilmington. It was at a small hole in the wall pub and there was a small crowd. I am still really proud of the guys and how they handled the evening (it was kind of a nightmare) and they did a great job. I got some great pictures, which you can check out here.

** For these last two weeks, I've done my best to bring in lunch for Lee and I on days that we're both available. It's nice to spend the time together and not spend extra money. It's been as simple as soup and ramen and we've also had taquito's, left overs from the night before, and sometimes I just show up and hang out with him on his break.

** I finally got my desk area set up a little better, and I am loving it! I picked up a converter cable to connect my extra monitor to my laptop so I can better multitask. It makes editing photos a lot easier as well as listen/watch videos while I am working on other things. It's also been super helpful while working on my scrap journal this week. I'm really excited to have a better workspace, and there is a blog post or video coming up on my desk here soon!

** I had my first two group therapy appointments with the VA and I am kind of digging it. It's nice to be around other women veterans with similar issues to me and have things to talk about. Sadly they only meet Thursday mornings and throughout all of June I will be at class during these appointments. Thankfully she is going to make sure she has extra handouts from the sessions available for me to pick up after school every week. 

** Speaking of school stuff, I had a meeting with the Veterans Assistance lady through Fort Bragg and she actually told us a bunch of useful information. This prompted me to go get my student ID, my parking permit, I am going to get my school books tomorrow, I also got into my school email and have been in touch with my Math teacher already,w which has been super helpful. 

** We finally got Lee a dresser for his clothes, which has been a huge help because the drawers in the dresser that Amy gave me aren't deep enough for us to continue sharing a single dresser. It was delivered on the 20th and he couldn't be more stoked. I am pretty excited for him to have his own space as well. It's actually part of the set that matches the bed and my nightstand. I was definitely kicking myself for not picking up the dresser in the first place.

** We had a family fun night this past Wednesday. We decided to go to the local skating rink and we had an absolute blast. Mem fell the most out of us all, Lee only fell once for someone who hasn't skated ever, and I managed to stay on my feet the whole time. Amy used to figure skate so she was showing off the whole time. We had a great time though and we made the decision to make Wednesday's family night.

**  Friday was my friend's birthday party. We all went out to dinner and we had a blast. Nugget is one of my favorite people at work and we spent the whole night laughing and being silly.

** Lee and I actually got to spend the whole weekend together, which we've only done probably one other time.

** We spent Saturday in Raleigh together. We had to take our friend to the airport, so we decided to spend part of the day there. Lee got to go to his favorite drum shop, introduced him to Steak and Shake as well as Sam Ash, and we also went to Guitar Center. I took him to Steak and Shake and he loved it and we also went to their Micheal's. It was just nice to spend the day together doing stuff. We also watched Zootopia yesterday evening. And we both called our parents ((hi Mom))

** Today has been a very lazy day for us both. We left long enough to go to Walmart for some hygiene stuff (I've had this cold sore for about a week and it's annoying me) and check out Hot Topic's Memorial Day sale. He also took me to our Michaels to look for some new alpha stickers. I've spent a good portion of the day working on my scrap journal. He's played his current favorite video game for most of the day. It's been nice to spend the day together doing nothing, in our pajama's.

.: Little Loves :.

|| Oreo Milkshakes | our friends | Mountain Dew Pitch Black | Papermate Flair pens | YouTube | planning | making dinner ||

What are you loving from this past week or two?

Life Lately

Hey Dreamers!

I hope all is well with you all.

I know that I have been absent from here for a couple of weeks - maybe a little less time then I think it's been.... things have been crazy around here. Well... maybe not as much as I think it is... but you know how your mind occasionally warps things to make them feel worse then they really are.

I finally had my first appointment with the VA at the end of March. Me, being who I am, made a list ahead of time of things that I wanted to talk about with the doctor. I also made a list of all my medications, because being a spoonie, there are quite a few and I am liable to forget something if I don't write it down. My nurse and doctor were really impressed. It really pays to be organized. The first appointment went alright, lots of talking and introductions. My doctor is pretty cool, she's an interesting woman. Very quickly she determined that I needed to schedule appointments with the behavioral health counselor, get screened for a TBI (4 years too late), a new optometry appointment, a radiology scan, an x-ray or MRI of my abdomen, some more blood tests.... there were just quite a few things that needed to be done.

This is my daily page inside my bullet journal covering everything that I needed to discuss

Since then I have picked up refills of ALL of my prescriptions (thank god) and had my initial intake with a behavioral health counselor. That word has such a negative connotation.... behavioral health.... especially within the military community. I know that I need to talk to someone.... my anxiety already determined that back in 2014.... and at the beginning of the month I was also diagnosed with depression. I'm supposed to start a group therapy session weekly in May. I don't know how I feel about this new diagnosis.... it makes sense I guess.... but another thing wrong with me? So there is that...... I'm now awaiting yet another medication that I am supposed to take to arrive in the mail, the lady had to talk to my doctor to make sure whatever medication she prescribed to me wouldn't interfere with anything I take for my fibromyalgia.

I have also submitted my paperwork for my handicap placard, now I am just waiting for that to be approved. Speaking of that... my car is finally registered here in the state of NC. It was still under my German registration because there was some stuff that I needed to get done to my car before getting registered. However, things changed when I was pulled over by a police officer on my way to work because he didn't recognize my NATO license plate. Thankfully, I didn't get a ticket.... but it was still a pain in my rear end. 

Yesterday I applied for my NC state drivers license. I figured that it was about time, since I plan on living here for quite a while, and I'm considering changing jobs and working for the county I live in and it's mandatory to have a NC state license. 

I got to meet Lee's bandmates last weekend, which was a total blast. They are nerds like me in their own way, and just super friendly people. I look forward to getting to know them more. They live about an hour away from us, so after I got out of work on Saturday, we drove there with the intent for them to practice, and then we were going to grill steaks and just hang out. They got to practice for a while before Lee got word that he had 24 hour duty on Sunday, so we had to return earlier then anticipated. So on Sunday, I hung out with him while he was on duty, and then picked him up from work on Monday morning and drove him home. Our plans for this coming weekend got screwed up because last minute he had to go out to the field until Sunday, which just kind of added to my feelings of these past two weeks. Gotta love the dumb stuff in the Army. I've come to accept that it happens, sometimes even expect it (like what happened to this weekend), but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. 5.5 years in the Army taught me that. 

shenanigans with his bandmates hat's

Today, I was supposed to enroll in classes that start in early June. I found out that my college accepted all 24 of my transfer credits from my time in the Army, which is a relief. I am scheduled to graduate 19 December 2019 with a Bachelors in Business Administration with a focus in marketing. I can't wait to start school again, the best part is that I get to take classes on base since I am a retiree. This means smaller class sizes, which will help with my anxiety, and it's also in an area that I am familiar with, and amongst other service members. I don't know if I could handle a regular college class size or the way that people look at me. I have to contact my new advisor tomorrow to get some alternate pin number needed to finally register for classes.

I also adjusted my availability hours for work. I went from open availability (minus Monday mornings to take Mem to school) to a more structured availability. Amy is picking up more hours at work, which means I need to make sure I am home more so Mem isn't by himself more often then not. For instance, Amy took a Crisis shift at the hospital tonight (which means she gets like twice the pay because they are understaffed and it's last minute) so it's a good thing I am home to hang out with Mem. He's self sufficient enough if we have to leave him by himself, but we decided to limit how much time that is if at all possible. 

That and honestly, work is stressing me out and burning me out. ATC was stressful, with a high burnout rate, but this is stressful in it's own way. My anxiety isn't really cut out for a high paced customer service type job while spending most of the day on my feet combating my fibromyalgia. It's definitely taking it's toll on me. Don't get me wrong, I really like my job.... but it's burning me out. I've made some awesome friends in certain coworkers, and they're probably the only reason I haven't quit. I've gotten in my groove, so most of my day is kind of spent in a mindless routine that I don't have to think much about. That, and I was really hoping for some kind of administration job when I got out, which I obviously didn't get and I'm not complaining because at least I have a job. I just need something that pays a little bit better and doesn't wear me out as much on a daily basis. 

I've been working on my bullet journals. Yes, that's plural... because I've separated my every day bullet journal, my medical journal, and my blog journal. My every day carry is still housed within my MyDorian TN - it houses my monthly/weekly/daily insert, my scrap journal, a newly added Spring Semester insert for school stuff, and my 2016 yearly book. The other two are in separate, bigger Moleskine notebooks. There will be a walkthrough video and coordinating blog posts coming within the future month for those that are interested.

I think that is enough rambles for now....

don't want to bore you guys with too much of my life.

What have you all been up too lately?

"I Love" Sunday's v.45

Hello friends!

Happy Sunday. How're you today?

** Monday brought me some super happy mail in the form of packages! If you follow my Instagram account, you've already seen the picture.

The halloween stamp was from a third party company on Amazon. The two sets of Halloween Washi were from American Crafts. The States stamp/fest stamp are from Sweet Stamp Shop. From Jet Pens, I got a fountain pen, a thin roll of camera washi tape, a portable stencil, penguin stickers, and some additional Midori brand bands for my inserts.

** Monday and Tuesday were a reprieve from homework (mostly because I was being lazy and didn't want to do it). I just started week 5 of my classes, only 3 weeks left! It's nice seeing the end of my classes in sight!!!!!

** Wednesday came around and I got my Letter of Release from the Army with my retirement date. I'm excited about it, but at the same time it's sad. This is the only thing I have done in my adult life, and it will be a hard transition. It's also shocking to know that all of this will end in 88 days (84 days on Sunday).... just after Christmas and New Years. This means I am now running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get everything sorted. I could start terminal leave in December, possibly the middle of November, so there is a lot that I need to get done first. I want to see some Christmas markets before I leave, take a few more day trips, get some more photos. 

My boss told me I am no longer on the work schedule so I can focus on getting my act together and out of this place. This is kind of exciting.

Random military meme- that just happens to be the story of my life!!

** Thursday was the Hispanic Heritage Observance Celebration on base. I was in charge of decorating the room and stayed to take pictures of the entire event, that was put on by my unit. I don't know how we got put in charge of it, but we were, and I was asked to volunteer for it, so I did. 

** Friday, I had to work for a little while but was released early when the flights were all cancelled due to weather.

** Yesterday was a simple day, just hung out in my room reading and watching television. Once I helped K put some batteries in a plastic pumpkin from the PX, I filmed the video of my current planner set-up, which should be up on my channel sometime today. I really do love Halloween, so there were quite a few decorations.  

** Today we went to another Medieval Fest, it was about an hour away from home. There will of course be a blog post this week (hopefully tomorrow) to share more about what happened (it just depends on if I can get the pictures edited tonight before my homework is due.)

.: Little Loves :.

||  Snickers Ice Cream Bars | Trolli gummy hamburger candy | the taste of Freedommmmmmmmmm | Criminal Minds (the new season has started and I am stoked!) | Halloween themed decorations | Punk goes Pop music (Rock bands sing Pop songs) ||

What are you loving from this week?

"I Love" Sundays v. 44

Hello friends

Happy Sunday!

I hope this post finds you well!

** October is finally here! This happens to be my favorite month of the year leading up to my favorite holiday. You get the awesomeness of Fall (the leaves changing colors, the cooler temperatures, etc.) with the awesomeness of Halloween (monsters, extra candy, ghosts, and creepy movies).

** The first episode of Criminal Minds Season 11 aired this week and I am finally getting around to watching the episode today. I am super stoked because I absolutely love this show!!! I am also getting caught up on the episodes I've missed on the new seasons of NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, and NCIS: New Orleans. For those that don't know me, can you see a pattern in my favorite TV shows.

** The second set of Creative Holiday Planner classes opened up on Wednesday, these ones more geared towards Winder and Christmas, and I am trying to decide if I want to watch them now or not. Speaking of Planner videos, Jenny Penton has a new video up on her Christmas set up and it was rather inspiring. I, of course, already watched it, but I think I am going to wait until I get through this month before I really start worrying about my Christmas set up. Check her out on YouTube!!!!

** I got my disability percentages on Friday from the Army and the VA. I got 40% from the Army, which means I will be medically retired in the coming months and 60% from the VA, which means a monthly pay check from them on top of other benefits. I get a blue retiree ID card, can continue using  military facilities, still have Tri-Care (which is good because I know nothing about health insurance), and it will make the transition into civilian life a little easier.

** Yesterday, my usual group and I went to the Ludwigsburg Pumpkin Festival at the Ludwigsburg Palace. It was a 2 hour drive each direction, but it was worth it. The palace is gorgeous, the grounds are gorgeous, and the Pumpkin sculptures are pretty phenomenal. Be on the lookout for the post tomorrow here on the blog, because there was a TON of cool stuff, including fairy tales! All of the pictures were taken for my photography website (I brought my camera since this wasn't an alcohol oriented event)

** Before we headed back home, we had to drive to Patch Barracks for gas, where I got to go see some of my favorite peoples, and introduce my new peoples to my old group of peoples. Haha. It was just nice to see Momma B and her family!

** Today is reserved for homework and relaxing. I am absolutely exhausted from yesterday and everything pretty much hurts. While it was most definitely worth the long drive there, all the walking, and the long drive home.... these adventures can be really tiring, -.-' Oh well.

.: Little Loves :.

|| Catching up on my favorite tv shows | Trolli Gummy Hamburgers | Dr. Pepper | Gatorade | lazy days | traveling adventures | YouTube | Monster Rehab Pink Lemonade | Halloween anything ||

"I Love" Sunday's v.34

Hello dear friends and happy Sunday
I hope you all have a good weekend!

** I started my trip back to Germany yesterday and will arrive early this morning and get back into my normal routine. It was nice to find out that my boss is letting me have tomorrow off due to the jet lag. Lord knows I am going to need it after the traveling I am about to do.

** I have made some good friends from this two week trip. Several of who actually live kinda close to me. We've made plans to hang out again after this trip. We went to Moe's Southwestern Grill on Tuesday after my VA appointment with the general medical appointment, which was my only appointment this whole week. My friend Country, a guy stationed in Belgium, and I ate there while some others ate at Smokey Bones, which was in the same plaza. My order was easy, a Joey Bag of Donuts with fried rice, black beans, chicken, and regular tomatoes- this is what I used to order when I would go at Bragg. I love Moe's, definitely better then Chipotle in my opinion (less spicy food and more options for food)

** The flight from Norfolk to Atlanta was quite uneventful and I even had time to work on my Travelers notebook. After watching this video by Jenny from Pretty Planners, I have found an idea of how I want to set up my "planner" insert for July to coordinate with my journal and sketchbook. I spent most of the flight to Atlanta, and again on my miserable flight from Atlanta to Frankfurt (more on that disaster tomorrow) setting up my notebook. I absolutely LOVE what Jenny does with her inserts! She even has a shop where she sells inserts that she makes in this same style. She shared a picture in one of the planner groups that I follow about how she sets up the front of her plan book, how she details her days, and then what she does with the leftover pages.

She is such an inspiration to me and I can't wait to finish my own version of this plan book this month! She is also supposed to post a new video here soon specifically about these plan books, I'll share a post about that once I watch it! <-- please excuse the minor fan girl moment that just happened in this above paragraph. lol

This is a picture that Jenny posted to a Travelers Notebook Facebook Group. This is partly what inspired me for my planner for this coming month. The other inspiration came from the YouTube video posted above.

** Although I am supposed to be talking about this past week, I'm going to talk about this coming week for a second. I've been setting my notebook up for Kristin's Find Your Voice workshop and the #LittleSummerJOY Project by Jen Lake and Julie Gagen. I like planning and getting things all set up. Besides, it gave me more time to work in my travelers notebook. You should also read this post from Julie about using a Travelers Notebook to document #LittleSummerJOY project. 

** Been watching a lot of set-up videos and art journaling videos on Youtube having to do with my travelers notebook. I love this community and seeing all the creative people that share their stuff on Facebook. 

** Watched The Book of Life, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, and Penguins of Madagascar on the airplane last night/today. It was the highlight of the airplane ride. Like I said, post on that tomorrow.

** I downloaded some new games on my tablet for the trip. I don't know if these are in the iPad, I have a Samsung Galaxy tablet (this is the only android product I have) There is an Inside Out: Bubble Thoughts (which is like that old bubble blaster game we used to play when we were younger), Home Boov Pop (matching colored bubbles), and Big Hero Six Bot Fight (a bejeweled type game where once you make gems match then they do damage to an opponent- Mo plays a Marvel version of this game). They were a fun way to pass the time.

** I got to see a childhood friend on Friday. We met when I moved to Florida in 5th grade, she was in 4th grade, and we had the same bus stop to school. I hadn't seen her since my coming home party post deployment in 2012, but we've kept in touch through Facebook. She lived about 3 hours north of where I was staying in Virginia, and she and her family drove down to see me. I got to meet her husband and 9 month old daughter for the first time. We played in the hotel pool thanks to the weather, they were nice enough to take me to Target (although they refused to let me pay for my own Moleskine notebooks and animal crackers), we had dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings (again where her husband insisted on paying for my food), and walked around Barnes and Nobels. It was a nice afternoon hanging out with an old friend and her family. I really like her husband (they've only been married for a year or two) and am happy to have met him. 

please excuse this crappy iPhone picture. It was getting dark and for some reason, my phone doesn't always like taking selfies

** So my next love from this week is the whole thing on Marriage Equality, also from Friday. I don't care about your opinion on Marriage Equality, so if you don't like it please keep your opinions to yourself. If you are for it, please let me know so we can celebrate together. I like that this happened because I think everyone could get married. I've made the joke that they should all be able to be as miserable as straight couples. That is my joke. Honestly, I think that everyone should be able to get married, no matter their sexual orientation, because I think everyone should be able to be happy and share the same rights as straight couples. It also made me happy that this picture came across my feed, I just had to save it and now share it with you guys. #lovewins

.: Little Loves :.

|| Sweet Tea | Cherry Coke | Skittles | Animal Crackers | Chex Mix Muddy Buddys | Atlanta has free wifi where as Norfolk makes you pay for wifi | comfort food | new friends | BBQ Pringles ||

What are you loving from this past week?

"I Love" Sunday's v.33

Hello friends.

Happy Sunday! I hope you're all having a good weekend

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

** I shared with you guys my trip so far on Thursday. My room is pretty awesome and the people I am here with aren't half bad. It's nice to be with a group of people going through the same thing to make this process easier. I'm usually on my own in my broken-ness.... but now there are 14 other people going through the same thing. They all understand what I am going through and they all understand that when I say I'm ok, that it means that the term ok is relative to my life, that I am in some kind of pain.  I got asked all on Friday why I was carrying a backpack if I have back pain and someone else with a  cane understood that no matter how bad my back hurts, I have to carry a backpack because with the cane I only have one hand to carry everything I need for that day- which includes my paperwork, my drink, my medication, cellphone, wallet, and tablet (because I've been waiting over 2 hours for my appointment since we go in groups). It's nice to have someone else understand.

** The Hampton VA is a nice hospital and the people that work there are really nice. I've gotten to meet quite a few awesome veterans from different conflicts while I've been sitting around waiting for my appointments. I spent most of Thursday and Friday there for a hearing appointment for my Tinnitus and then for my General Medical examination. My Tinnitus appointment literally took 5 minutes, because there isn't really a way to test for tinnitus. She just asked me about my tinnitus, how often it occurs, if it hurts, or anything like that. My gen med appointment took about 2.5 hours. The doctor asked me a bunch of questions about the things that I am claiming, looked over pst X-Rays/MRI's for supporting evidence, and then worked her best to connect a bunch of issues to my Fibromyalgia and why I am disqualified for my job in the Army, to try to get me a higher percentage. I'll share my adventures next week before I head back to Germany.

** I found these awesome articles on the good of selfies, since people talk a lot of trash about them. Liz from Being Geek Chic shares an article called So I Selfie, So what? and Stephanie from Tottums and her article called In Defense of Selfies. They are both great articles about why selfies are important to both women, and I love what they had to say. They make important points- "So, in defense of my selfies - well, no. I don't feel the need to defend my selfies. My selfies are a constant reminder to me (and to my loved ones) that I'm not just seeing our life together, that I am part of it too." - Stephanie.

** So every night that we're here in the states, we have the option to go out to eat if we want (we get paid per diem for food since this is TDY (temporary duty) and we get a select amount of money each day- I've only eaten out twice so far since we've been here). Friday night myself, a girl named Kim, and a guy who told us to call him Country (his last name is hard to pronounce) went to Olive Garden and we had a great time. We all love their breadsticks! We agreed that the Italian food in Europe tastes different then what we get at Olive Garden, and although we've all been there almost 2 years, we all still prefer Olive Garden (which isn't abnormal). It just has a different taste... and it's home to us! We talked a lot about deployments.

** I don't usually watch TV, I haven't since I lived in my parent's house. I watch Netflix or Apple TV now, but being on this trip, I get to watch TV. I've been introduced to Castle and Rizzoli & Isles! I love both shows and I need to find the shows from the beginning. I've been watching Law and Order in the mornings. This weekend I've also watched Clash of the Titans, Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest, and Olympus Has Fallen as well. 

** I love being able to go to stores like Michaels and Walmart, where I can get the things that I need when I need them. I don't have to wait on shipping. There is a much bigger selection at these stores then any store I have found in Germany yet! It means I get to play with my new watercolor paints, Tim Holtz Distress Markers, and Copic Markers! I am trying new mediums for my crafting.

** Also since being here, I have been more active in my journaling in my Midori! I've written every day about what has been going on and what's been on my mind. I've even been decorating the pages with washi tape and stickers. :) This makes me happy since I haven't had much motivation to craft lately.

**  Starting to put together a better plan of what I want to do when I get out of the military and where I want to go! I am working on plans for my art again, my photography, and where I want to live.

** Been working with Caitlin of Caitlin Powell Designs for a new brand that I am working on launching in the coming months! I am pretty excited and I can't wait to share with you guys!

** Kristin's Find Your Voice workshop opened for pre-registration on Monday! My course kit has shipped and I can't wait to get back to Germany to play with it and prep for this course! I will be guest instagramming for the course in July, which I am also pretty excited about!

.: Little Loves :.

|| Mountain Dew Baja Blast | Reese's Peanut Butter Cups | TNT (the tv channel) | Papa Johns pizza | Sweet tarts | Dr. Pepper | Time Off ||

What are you loving from this past week?

MEB Trip 2015

Hello friends

Happy Thursday!

I hope this post finds you well. This seems like it has been a long week already, and it's not technically over. 

So we landed in Norfolk, VA around 7:30pm and had to wait over an hour because they lost our second van... how do you lose a van? I really don't know. It wasn't until around 10pm that we made it to our hotel in Newport News. I was very glad to get off the airplane and be done traveling because oh my lord I was in so much pain it was retarded. 

This is like the nicest hotel that I have ever stay in, in case anyone wants to know! I'm the only female who has their own room other then one of our escorts because we have an uneven number of females in our group. It's kind of nice because I really need my own personal space and since I am an insomniac, I leave the television on and that bothers people.

Monday was okay, we had to get up early and spent the day at briefings an getting our vision and hearing checked. Yep... my eyes are still getting worse and my hearing is the same. How I have good hearing when I have tinnitus blows my mind, but hey... that's cool.

Tuesday was our MEB Behavioral Health and Doctor visit, which was pretty much a waste of my time. The BH guy said my anxiety wasn't that bad, but I disagree with him. The good news is that whatever the MEB guy says doesn't hold much water in this process, it's all up to the VA to determine our ratings. My MEB doctor here is Asian and has a VERY THICK accent. He even acknowledges that some people might not be able to understand him because his English isn't that good. I didn't have any issues, thanks to some coworkers with Puerto Rican accents, but that is just me. This appointment was also a waste of my time because he just talked to me about the process (which I've already heard 3 times) and he verified what I was being MEB'd for.

Afterwards me and a group of 3 other people walked to the mall (it's across the street from our hotel). One of them, Ski, found these toys that children were riding and he paid to ride it for 20 minutes. Then another girl and I walked through Hot Topic and Old Navy before we walked back to the hotel.

Wednesday was my first day without any appointments. I spent most of the day hanging out in my room watching Rizzoli & Isles, Bones, and Castle! I also walked to Tuesday Mornings and then another 40 minutes (all together) to Michael's and back. I got some awesome new markers that I can't wait to play with!

Today was also a complete waste of my time... but kind of cool at the same time. We had to go to the Hampton VA for several appointments, and we left at 0730 and my appointment wasn't until 1100. I sat around for 2.5 hours for a 5 minute appointment. The doctor wanted to talked about my Tinnitus, which they can't test for. She asked me about how often it occurs, what it's life, and if it hurts. My tinnitus is almost constant, a high pitched noise in my right ear, which sometimes causes a loss of hearing for a few minutes, and it occasionally causes pain in my ear.

The cool part of today was I met a female Vietnam Veteran! I've never met a female Vietnam vet before, so I thought it was awesome. She worked with computers at D.C. before computers were what we know them as today! She was super sweet and we talked about why we were at the VA hospital and our outlooks on life. She let her granddaughter name her cane Charlie and she was impressed with my attitude towards life. She was fun to talk to!

Tomorrow is my general medical appointment at the VA where they determine my range of mobility and my disability rating. Apparently I am supposed to be twisted into a pretzel to determine these things, which I am not looking forward too. After that, my only other appointment is the VA Behavioral Health appointment which is next week! I have all the other days off, so I get to just hang out but maybe go hang out someplace cool.

Now I am going to go back to watching Bones on TNT!

How is your week so far?!?

"I Love" Sunday's v. 26

Happy Sunday friends.

At least I hope you're having a happy Sunday.

Mine is kind of questionable... but we'll see how it goes.

💙 Pandora quickly became one of my favorite things during this past rotation. Listened to a country station and an Ed Sheeren Station for the two weeks and it was cool. Found some new music that I really enjoyed.

💙 After working for a month straight more or less, we got a four day this weekend. Next weekend we roll back into rotation with minimal days off and it's kind of lame.

💙 Yesterday I got to go see Avengers: Age of Ultron. Kick. Ass. Movie! You must go see it! Was freaking fantastic and there were some surprising moments in the movie. Was some pretty hysterical moments as well. Best. Movie. Yet! I also met a new friend named Andi.

💙 Like I said yesterday, I went to my Rheumatologist and he finally told me what is wrong with me. It's a little freaking stupid that at 23 years old I have to deal with this chronic pain for the rest of my life, since they don't have a cure for it or even a stable treatment for it. Kinda miffed about that. But I try to balance that with just being happy finally having a name for it. Finally knowing that it's all connected and I am not just making it all up (someone actually told me that before). I have new medication to try to help treat the pain. The only downside is I take it at night before bed and it makes my head kind of dizzy and feel weird.

💙 Watched the entire first season of The Originals on Netflix. I like that show better then Vampire Diaries (I read the books long before this TV show came out.. and I like the books much better). Now I need to see if I can find more episodes somewhere.

.: Little Loves :.

|| German Coca-Cola | German Confused Skittles that are like American Skittles Riddles | Time off | Hershey's chocolate bar | Writing | Blogging ||

What are you loving from this past week?

Laying It All Out There

Hello friends.

I hope this blog finds you well. I know I've been kind of MIA lately, and that really kind of bothers me. In my defense though, there has been a lot going on. 

Mo and I are currently on a "break". We have been for a couple of weeks. And obviously, since it wasn't my choice, this really bothers me. There were some issues caused by my work and some things in my past that he just didn't like and since they weren't changing, he figured this was his best way of helping me without falling back into his old patterns. I understand that, I really do... but at the same time I kind of need him to understand my side.

Let me just start with where I used to work... really sucked. My friend liked to tell me that I worked in EO violation environment, which means that several things went against the Army's Equal Opportunity policy. And not just because I am a female... although I think that might have come into play occasionally. My old boss... was for lack of better terms (and please forgive my language) a total and complete asshole. He was so set in his ways and he was given too much power because other people just didn't know any better. He has a reputation around not just Germany, but around the Army ATC community, and nobody likes him He doesn't understand just how miserable his subordinates are, either that or he knows and just doesn't care. There is a local national German man who works there, and a lot of us have issues with him, mostly us females because he can be mean and just downright rude. He doesn't like the American's very much (which amuses us since he works on an American base and I am pretty sure without us he wouldn't have a job at all with his attitude). He is one of the types of Germans I have been warned about prior or making this place my home. The guy in charge doesn't ever deal with him when he gets out of hand. He gets into fights with the boss and nothing gets done, whereas anyone else tried that they would either be fired (the civilians) or written up (military). It wasn't fair. Needless to say, the same friend also thinks that the boss just had something against me... and I would like to agree, but I might just be biased. I pretty much got crapped on every time I turned around. I went to a military mandated school and had it held against me, not to mention that the people that showed up after me all got farther along in the training program, no matter how hard I tried. 

Needless to say that once I was told I was going through a Medical Evaluation Board, and the determination was made that I can't stand or sit for too long, that I needed a cane to walk sometimes, and that I can't easily egress a building with 5 flights of stairs, it became clear that they needed to move me to another place of work. And let me just say thank god they did! I am so much happier now that I work somewhere else! Life is much better and I am much less stressed out now then I was. I have more energy after work, and I also get a lot more things done during the day (most days... some days I am still lazy as can be and just sit around watching Netflix)

I just recently found out that all my health problems, all the seemingly unreleated symptoms I was having, actually are related. I was having pain in seemingly random places, I've been known to have stress fractures in my foot and my hip, I have constant knee and hip problems, I have problems with my chest wall, seemingly random headaches that only appear in small portions of my head, not the entire head.... none of it made sense. It didn't help that although I was in a lot of pain, there wasn't much physical abnormalities outside of my knee popping and it trying to dislocate itself. That was a problem for doctors because to them, that meant that I was faking it. WRONG!!!! I was finally sent to a Rhuematologist at the end of last month and through some blood tests and other things, I was told I have Fibromyalgia. For those that don't know (like I didn't) it is a chronic pain disorder that occurs on both sides of your body, they don't know what causes it, and they don't have a cure. They are still experimenting with treatment's, most of which involve medication that treat other diseases and disorders. While it isn't life threatening, it is still something I have to live with every day for the rest of my life. And it does effect my quality of life. 

The good news is I now also see a counselor. She says I am farther along in dealing with my past then she originally thought. Her and I talk once a week. About anything. She is also rather impressed with how I am dealing with all of this medical stuff. I am in the process of being medically discharged from the Army with a potential medical retirement from the Army. I do my best not to focus on the medical problems because there is no reason to let it make me depressed or angry. I just need to adapt and make it a part of my life and not let it beat me. I'm trying. It just sometimes takes a little work. 

Initial Verdict & LIfe Update

Hello friends! Happy Thursday.

It's been pretty busy around here the last couple of days. I just realized that I missed my "I Love" Sunday post this past week, which kind of bums me out. I will get caught back up on that this weekend.

Mo's surgery went well. He went in the hospital on the morning of the second and came home the next afternoon. He got another two weeks off of work, so he's been hanging out around the house and relaxing. I haven't gotten to see him since then because I've been in rotation at work, but we either talk over the phone or FaceTime every day.

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So, if you've been around here for a little while, then you'll remember when I said I hate medical appointments last month.

About a week after my blood draws, I was told that my doctor was going to be assigned elsewhere for at least a month and we didn't know who was going to be filling in for her. This is a problem because in Army Aviaiton, we're not supposed to see any other doctor but our Flight Surgeon. I did find out from the nurse about a week ago that my blood tests were normal. I still currently don't have access to my doctor and I have a lot of questions for her. -.-'

On the 1st of April, I went to a counseling briefing where I met my PEBLO (Physical Evaluation Board Liason Officer) after some briefings. This is the person that I will be in contact with throughout the rest of this process. It's kind of awesome to finally know who my point of contact is for all things MEB related. ((After that appointment I had to drive to Mo's place for his hernia surgery))

Yesterday was my appointment back in Landstuhl to talk to a Rheumotology specialist. That was another four hour drive there. Landstuhl is pretty much the biggest medical facility in Germany. The Army tries not to send us off post to the German economy for medical appointments because then they have to get everything translated from German to English and it apparently takes too long. The sad part is the German medical system is much better then the American Army one. They take better care of their patients, because of the way the entire system works.

We got to borrow a TMP (the Army's version of a rental car for free to get to/from certain events so you don't waste your own gas), which was fine except that the charging port where cigerette lighters used to be plugged in wasn't working. Our GPS died while we were on our way, so we didn't have a GPS for the ride home. Luckily I have a GPS on my phone, but I couldn't use it the whole time because it would have killed my phone battery. The funny part is that the ride back from Landstuhl , after a certain point, is the same drive that I take coming back from Mo's house. So on the way back, we got to a certain point and realized that we were suddenly heading to Mo's place instead of finishing the drive back to our home station. We aren't sure what happened or what turn we apprently missed, but it was funny because my GPS had it's own plan for us last night. The drive sucked because it was a long drive, and since I was driving, I couldn't stretch out or readjust my position too much, so my body was hating me once I got back to my personal vehicle.

I spoke with a medical COL who specialises in Rheumotology. He reviewed the basics of my medical records, reviewed my recent blood work, and asked me a lot of questions. He poked, prodded, and twisted me around to test some things for my joints as well as my pain. He gave me a initial diagnosis, but ordered more blood tests just to rule some other things out before he decides for sure if this is what I have. Between you and me... I really hate being stuck with needles and having my blood drawn, so mix that with my stomach not liking what I had for lunch, I was a little nervous. The lab tech that drew my blood wasn't very nice about sticking me with the needle, which means I now have a nice bruise on my arm where she stuck me, but she made sure to keep me talking and not focusing on what she was actually doing. I have to go back on 28 April to find out the finial determination as well as three MRI's on my back. That means 1.5 hours in an MRI machine because they want to do an MRI on three seperate sections of my back. I'm not looking forward to that, I'm slightly claustrophobic in MRI machines and elevators... so spending 1.5 hours not moving in a machine doesn't make me happy.

My appointment with my couselor went quite well. She seems to think that she won't have to do much to help me get on track with the anxiety and PTSD. It's helpful that she is someone I know, so I feel more at ease talking to her. I know that she really just wants to help, she isn't there to judge me. I have a hard time talking to people I don't know about my problems because I am not comfortable with them. She sent me to a psychiatrist who prescribed me some medication for my insomnia. I used it for the first time last night, while it made me go to sleep sooner, I still woke up a couple times throughout the night. At least it's a start though.

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The upside to yesterday's appointment is that the doctor has pretty much determined what is wrong with me. I also went and purchased a LifeTrak watch that monitors my steps, the distance I walk, calories I burn throughout the day, amount of sleep that I get, as well as my heart rate throughout the day. This is awesome because I need to start excersizing again as well as needing to better monitor my heart rate since it's a little out of control.


I also picked up an Apply TV box for $69! People said that that was cheaper then when they bought it, so I couldn't pass up the oppurtunity. I haven't hooked it up yet, was planning on doing that tonight after work and watch some Netflix! Pretty excited about that.

Tomorrow I am going to share a post with you all about my upcoming Relay for Life event here in Germany, something else I am super excited about! This links up a couple of my favorite things and it helps pass the time here in Germany.