It's Been A While

Hello dearest Dreamers,

I'm not sure if anyone even still reads this blog, and I can understand that! I've been so inconsistent with posting and it makes me pretty mad at myself. I have a lot more free time since I quit working at Starbucks, but I haven't been using it wisely. I've made promises to get better... but I haven't done it.

My first term at school flew by in a flash, it was only a month long! That being said, I really enjoyed my Critical Thinking class, and if I get the choice, I'm choosing that teacher again. I passed both of my classes (was a little worried about my Algebra class.... but I did it) which is a huge sigh of relief. My next class (I'm only taking one this term) starts on 11 July.

I took Lee to meet my parents this past weekend. There is a whole post coming up about that this week, but needless to say, it went quite well. You can see most, if not all, of those pictures on either my Instagram or my Facebook page.

If you remember, I said that I was going to team up with a dear friend of mine, and work for ourselves? My mom was very skeptical of it, but as usual she supports me. Unfortunately, our first client ended up being a fraud and my bank accounts were frozen for quite a while. It's all been cleared up and I've learned a little more from this lesson. I've met some awesome Virtual Assistant Ladies who've taught me some things, and I'm going to give it all another go.

The boys have a more shows coming up this summer, and some of them are big! On the 16th, we're opening for Soften the Glare featuring Ryan Martinie of Mudvayne. On the 21st, we're opening up for Saliva in Jacksonville, NC. That's right, Saliva! We didn't know they were coming back, but our usual promoter called us and offered us a spot on that show... and we're beyond thrilled for it! Also, as a band, in August we're going to see Carnival of Madness! We're going to see our idols play (Shinedown and Black Stone Cherry)... let me just say that we all had a bit of a fangirl moment right there!

Well... I think that is a good start. Like I said, I have some blog posts scheduled for the next week or so to kind of update you all on what's been going on around here! Hopefully, I will do better about not posting as much as I promised that I would.

"I Love" Sunday v. 68

Hello Dreamers

Happy Sunday!!!

I hope this post finds you all well. It was a rather uneventful week for me, but that's probably a good thing right about now.

** I only worked Thursday, Friday, and today of this week. I was supposed to work on Tuesday but had to take the day off due to my hand. Thankfully, when I did work, they let me stay in Drive Thru and just take orders. Minimal use of my hand, which meant the least amount of pain for me.

** I spent some time working on my bullet journals, because of course I have more then one, because I really need to stay organized my way. I still use my Travelers Notebook for my personal planning, but I have a separate journal for my blog, and another one for the band. I absolutely LOVE this system of planning, and believe me that there is a blog post in the works just for my bullet journal(s). <--- I'm sorry that I keep saying this without it actually happening....

** I went to our local Game Stop yesterday with Mem. They were having a "Grand Re-opening" mini party and since I know one of the Assistant Managers, I decided to stop by. I managed to find a BB-8 coffee mug that I just adore. Mem gets a kick out of the fact that I collect mugs without using them for their intended purpose. Just like I used to collect shot glasses from new places that I would visit. 

Sorry for the terrible pictures.... it's a little dark in my room at the moment.

** OH! Speaking of my bullet journals, I picked up a set of Paper Mate Flair pens that I absolutely ADORE!!! I think they are amazing! I first heard of them from Jenny Penton over at Planner Perfect and never really thought much of them - I have a bunch of pens just laying around, why did I need more? They were selling them individually at Staples and I picked one up.... and then had to go get the whole colored set.

** I get my stitches taken out today! I am super excited about that because these things are in the way. It's on the side of my hand, near my pointer finger knuckle on my hand. The spot is still kind of tender, but according to Lee and Amy it's healing well. Thankfully.

.: Little Loves :.

|| AKA Jessica Jones | Mountain Dew Baja Blast | Tootsie Rolls | home made food ||

What are you loving about this past week?

Life Lately

Hey Dreamers!

I hope all is well with you all.

I know that I have been absent from here for a couple of weeks - maybe a little less time then I think it's been.... things have been crazy around here. Well... maybe not as much as I think it is... but you know how your mind occasionally warps things to make them feel worse then they really are.

I finally had my first appointment with the VA at the end of March. Me, being who I am, made a list ahead of time of things that I wanted to talk about with the doctor. I also made a list of all my medications, because being a spoonie, there are quite a few and I am liable to forget something if I don't write it down. My nurse and doctor were really impressed. It really pays to be organized. The first appointment went alright, lots of talking and introductions. My doctor is pretty cool, she's an interesting woman. Very quickly she determined that I needed to schedule appointments with the behavioral health counselor, get screened for a TBI (4 years too late), a new optometry appointment, a radiology scan, an x-ray or MRI of my abdomen, some more blood tests.... there were just quite a few things that needed to be done.

This is my daily page inside my bullet journal covering everything that I needed to discuss

Since then I have picked up refills of ALL of my prescriptions (thank god) and had my initial intake with a behavioral health counselor. That word has such a negative connotation.... behavioral health.... especially within the military community. I know that I need to talk to someone.... my anxiety already determined that back in 2014.... and at the beginning of the month I was also diagnosed with depression. I'm supposed to start a group therapy session weekly in May. I don't know how I feel about this new diagnosis.... it makes sense I guess.... but another thing wrong with me? So there is that...... I'm now awaiting yet another medication that I am supposed to take to arrive in the mail, the lady had to talk to my doctor to make sure whatever medication she prescribed to me wouldn't interfere with anything I take for my fibromyalgia.

I have also submitted my paperwork for my handicap placard, now I am just waiting for that to be approved. Speaking of that... my car is finally registered here in the state of NC. It was still under my German registration because there was some stuff that I needed to get done to my car before getting registered. However, things changed when I was pulled over by a police officer on my way to work because he didn't recognize my NATO license plate. Thankfully, I didn't get a ticket.... but it was still a pain in my rear end. 

Yesterday I applied for my NC state drivers license. I figured that it was about time, since I plan on living here for quite a while, and I'm considering changing jobs and working for the county I live in and it's mandatory to have a NC state license. 

I got to meet Lee's bandmates last weekend, which was a total blast. They are nerds like me in their own way, and just super friendly people. I look forward to getting to know them more. They live about an hour away from us, so after I got out of work on Saturday, we drove there with the intent for them to practice, and then we were going to grill steaks and just hang out. They got to practice for a while before Lee got word that he had 24 hour duty on Sunday, so we had to return earlier then anticipated. So on Sunday, I hung out with him while he was on duty, and then picked him up from work on Monday morning and drove him home. Our plans for this coming weekend got screwed up because last minute he had to go out to the field until Sunday, which just kind of added to my feelings of these past two weeks. Gotta love the dumb stuff in the Army. I've come to accept that it happens, sometimes even expect it (like what happened to this weekend), but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. 5.5 years in the Army taught me that. 

shenanigans with his bandmates hat's

Today, I was supposed to enroll in classes that start in early June. I found out that my college accepted all 24 of my transfer credits from my time in the Army, which is a relief. I am scheduled to graduate 19 December 2019 with a Bachelors in Business Administration with a focus in marketing. I can't wait to start school again, the best part is that I get to take classes on base since I am a retiree. This means smaller class sizes, which will help with my anxiety, and it's also in an area that I am familiar with, and amongst other service members. I don't know if I could handle a regular college class size or the way that people look at me. I have to contact my new advisor tomorrow to get some alternate pin number needed to finally register for classes.

I also adjusted my availability hours for work. I went from open availability (minus Monday mornings to take Mem to school) to a more structured availability. Amy is picking up more hours at work, which means I need to make sure I am home more so Mem isn't by himself more often then not. For instance, Amy took a Crisis shift at the hospital tonight (which means she gets like twice the pay because they are understaffed and it's last minute) so it's a good thing I am home to hang out with Mem. He's self sufficient enough if we have to leave him by himself, but we decided to limit how much time that is if at all possible. 

That and honestly, work is stressing me out and burning me out. ATC was stressful, with a high burnout rate, but this is stressful in it's own way. My anxiety isn't really cut out for a high paced customer service type job while spending most of the day on my feet combating my fibromyalgia. It's definitely taking it's toll on me. Don't get me wrong, I really like my job.... but it's burning me out. I've made some awesome friends in certain coworkers, and they're probably the only reason I haven't quit. I've gotten in my groove, so most of my day is kind of spent in a mindless routine that I don't have to think much about. That, and I was really hoping for some kind of administration job when I got out, which I obviously didn't get and I'm not complaining because at least I have a job. I just need something that pays a little bit better and doesn't wear me out as much on a daily basis. 

I've been working on my bullet journals. Yes, that's plural... because I've separated my every day bullet journal, my medical journal, and my blog journal. My every day carry is still housed within my MyDorian TN - it houses my monthly/weekly/daily insert, my scrap journal, a newly added Spring Semester insert for school stuff, and my 2016 yearly book. The other two are in separate, bigger Moleskine notebooks. There will be a walkthrough video and coordinating blog posts coming within the future month for those that are interested.

I think that is enough rambles for now....

don't want to bore you guys with too much of my life.

What have you all been up too lately?

"I Love" Sunday's v.55

Hello dearest friends!

Happy Sunday

It's been a super busy week (as mentioned on Friday)

** I got my 2016 Travelers Notebook all set up and am loving it. I'll do a walkthrough of the set-up sometime this week for anyone who is interested, but just to let you guys know.... I have my January plan book surrounded by a Midori pocket, my December Daily 2015 (I am trying to get it all finished. Almost done!!!), The business card folder, my blog book, and my 2016 yearly planner. I am still using the custom designed Harry Potter MyDorian made by AltGuild on Etsy. The review for this product will be up later this week!

** I picked up the key to my new apartment on Thursday. I finally have my own place. Right now, the only thing in there is my new tv stand (which I think is made from real wood instead of the fake stuff and is heavier then I expected when I went to pick it up). This weekend I have been moving some of my stuff from my roommate's place to my new one (It's just a couple buildings over from where I've been staying). I can't really move in yet because my stuff is either on it's way from Germany or still in storage in Florida. I still have to get my utilities all set up, but at least there is a place

** My truck has arrived from Germany! I picked it up on Friday from Charleston, SC and I am beyond excited!!!! I have my car back! I asked my roommate if it would be odd if I hugged my car, she laughed at me!

I sent this picture to my friend when we were talking about how excited I was to have my car back

** I hung out with a new friend Friday night. She is a cashier at Staples and we met when I went to go pick up a new White Signo gel pen for my memory keeping stuff. We bonded over my new Harry Potter necklace (it says "Books turn mugs into wizards) and my Star Wars long sleeve shirt (It's black with Darth Vader on the front, Star Wars written on the side of the two sleeves, and The Dark Side written on the back like a jersey). We went to 2nd and Charles and looked through all of their "nerd stuff" before walking around the mall.

I sent this picture to my roommate's son Mem from 2nd and Charles.
He loves the tv show Friends and we've been binge watching the show on Netflix

** I went and applied at a bunch of place. I've been calling or walking in and asking the status of my application. The lady at Starbucks asked me some questions and gave me her card, saying if I haven't heard from her by tomorrow, to give her a call. 2nd and Charles also took my information to pass to the manager (they're owned by Books-A-Million and the cashier said that it takes forever for them to get applications), and told me that me coming in and asking was a good thing and that's how she got her job. It gives me hope that I might get a job here soon.

** I sent in an application to Kellie Winnell for her 2016 Creative Team Call. This is my first time applying, although I've been considering it for a little while. I'm hoping to get a position, but it wouldn't surprise me if I didn't. Only because there are some AMAZING and talented ladies in the scrapbooking world and I am just a beginner. Gotta start somewhere though!

** So last night I went to my favorite country bar to apply (they said they were hiring). However, the manager on the phone told me the wrong time to show up and I have to come back Wednesday night (kinda annoyed about that... but whatever). The good news is.... I made friends with 3 new couples! Two of the couples were standing outside when we were waiting for the bar to open (Cat and Mike and Michi and Chris). We started chatting (Michi loved me simply because I told her that I was originally from Texas and lived in Florida) and became friends over several rounds of pool. The last couple I befriended (Jess & Aaron) decided to play couple vs couple with one of the first couples, so we ended up talking. Jess was a BLAST! She was more then willing to teach me some of the line dances that I didn't know and we've agreed to meet up there more often so I can learn more of the dances. Overall, it turned into a great night and I am really glad I stayed despite being there by myself!

** This may be proving me as a total nerd, but I am really happy to have access to cable again. For one single reason... HGTV! I spend way too much time watching HGTV shows while multitasking. My favorite shows from HGTV are Fixer Upper, Property Brothers, and Design on A Dime. ((Bonus: all three shows are also on Netflix!))

.: Little Loves :.

|| new friends | Dr. Pepper | Butterbeer Frappaccino's | My own space | memory keeping | Wine | Funko | HGTV ||

What are you loving from this week?

Life Update

Hello friends!

Happy Friday!!!!

So today I just wanted to drop by and give you guys a super quick update in the Dreamer world.

1. Job hunting is a b****!!! For reals. Especially when it's right after the holiday season so everyone is getting rid of seasonal help. -.-'

2. I got an apartment! Yay! I picked up the keys for the apartment yesterday, but right now, the only thing that is in the apartment is the new entertainment stand I picked up yesterday for $30. I can't really move in to the apartment right now because I don't have much to work with.... just the things I brought from Germany with me - so no bed, dresser, tables, couches, etc. I did order my bed last Sunday, but it won't be delivered until closer to the end of the month. My belongings from Germany aren't supposed to be here until the end of the month. Once I get everything there and situated (also have to get stuff from Florida - like a couch from my parents) then I will do a blog or a YouTube or something to show you guys how everything is set up.

3. Last but not least.... I picked up my car from the Charleston Port today in SC!!! I am super excited to have my own car again!!!!!

Kind of a scary super excited face. Haha. I love the fact that my roommate pretty much gave me free reign of her car as long as I took her to/from work and her son to/from school... but nothing like having your own car!

Overall, it's been a great start to the new years (minus Mem potentially breaking his arm) and I just can't wait to see what happens next!!!

Talk to you later lovelies!

Veterans Day 2015

Hey friends.

I just wanted to stop by today and say a quick thank you and Happy Veterans Day

to my brothers and sisters in arms, both past and present.

The above photo was my last unit at Fort Bragg, when I lived in the States.

I love those guys (and girls) and since most of us deployed together

we formed a bond that has lasted even years later

despite most of us being separated.

Today isn't about free meals or whatever else,

and while it's about thanking ALL veterans,

today is not a day to dwell on those that are no longer with you

That's Memorial Day.

Today is meant to focus on those Veterans that are still here

and even more so, those that are still serving.

I also want to say thank you to the families of the Veterans

for all of their support and love

we definitely couldn't do it without you guys.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Random Thoughts

Hey dearest friends

I've had a lot on my mind lately and I thought that I would share it with some of you loyal readers and friends.

I know that my blog is kind of all over the place. I've already shared a post about not having a niche, and I've been thinking on that.  I use a few words to describe myself: veteran, blogger, crafter, spoonie, geek, memory keeper, traveler, and photographer. These words mean a lot to me. They ARE me, or rather, I am all of those things. 

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I am a veteran of Operation Enduring Freedom with my deployment to Afghanistan from September 2011-2012. I know that not everyone agrees with our country's War on Terrorism, and not everyone agrees with our military. Heck, I don't always agree with it (anyone who knows me in every day life knows this one for real). But I am a Soldier. Some day I'll share a post on what motivated me to join the military. I am an Air Traffic Controller. I multitask with helicopters, unmanned aerial vehicles, and fixed wing aircraft that help support our troops and the civilian contractors that are stationed there. No matter how you feel about this topic, please remember that these are people that chose to do what they do for reasons that they believe in.

I am a blogger (obviously, right?). I have so many aspirations for this here blog, and I am hoping that I can make some changes (for the better) over the course of the next year or two to build up this blog. I know right now it seems that all of my posts are either travel posts or my "I Love" Sundays series, but I am working on adding more content. I plan to go back to my geeky posts, my craft posts, cooking (once I have a kitchen again), and much more. I want to share more things with you guys!

I am a crafter, and more then just my scrap journaling. If you follow my IG or my FB page, you'll see some of the crafts I've done over the years. It's been a little bit harder since I've been here in Germany because I don't have access to places like Joannes, Michaels, or A.C. Moore. I've been focusing on my scrap journaling as a way to do something. But I am a painter, I draw, I crochet, sew, and make things out of paracord. I love Craft Fairs and anything handmade! I want to share more of these kinds of posts on here once I get back to the U.S. 

I am a spoonie. I was asked about this term the other day and was happy to explain it to someone who didn't know simply because they asked. I hate being defined by my chronic pain and other disorders. I hate being 24 years old, using a cane and knee brace when I need them, taking a bunch of medication, and about to be medically retired from the military. However, this is part of my life now, something I have learned to live with, and I do love the community that I have become a part of because of this.

I am a geek. Like hard core to the extreme. It's more then just my tattoo's, geek shirts, and memorabilia. Don't ask me about Harry Potter unless you want to have an in-depth conversation about the Wizarding World. Last year I started collecting comic books and I can't wait to get back to the states and build my collection. I'm in the process (still) of crocheting a Doctor Who inspired infinity scarf. I have movies and posters and I am proud of this fact. For real!

I am a memory keeper. Partially because I like looking back, and partially because my memory just plain sucks sometimes. I like knowing the stories behind my pictures and being able to look back and share whenever I want to. I do this with my scrap journals, my photography, and even my social media (blog, IG)

I am a photographer. Like for real! Thanks to my dad, I've always loved this. I want to do this for a living. It's why I am working on a business degree. I like capturing special moments and sharing my view of the world through my camera lens.

I am a traveler. I haven't traveled nearly as much as I have wanted too, but I really didn't start until I came here to Germany. In my almost two years here, I've gone on several adventures and gotten to explore German culture. I've got at least one more planned before I leave Germany, and I am thankful for each and every one. I've now got a list of places I want to travel when I have the time. I will come back to Germany (I haven't seen Berlin yet) and I have plans for Europe and even within the United States. I am super thankful for this opportunity that the Army has given me. I couldn't have asked for a better introduction. I've been to 4 countries (outside the US) and 11 States so far. I can't wait to see more!

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What does this have to do with anything? I plan on using these interests to help me build this here blog. There are part of who I am, and part of what I want to share with you guys. Why? I dunno, cuz I can? There will probably be less Veteran/Army posts in the future, once I get home, but it still defines me. 

Whatcha guys (girls) think? Anything specific that you want to see more of?

I would love your input!

"I Love" Sunday's v. 26

Happy Sunday friends.

At least I hope you're having a happy Sunday.

Mine is kind of questionable... but we'll see how it goes.

💙 Pandora quickly became one of my favorite things during this past rotation. Listened to a country station and an Ed Sheeren Station for the two weeks and it was cool. Found some new music that I really enjoyed.

💙 After working for a month straight more or less, we got a four day this weekend. Next weekend we roll back into rotation with minimal days off and it's kind of lame.

💙 Yesterday I got to go see Avengers: Age of Ultron. Kick. Ass. Movie! You must go see it! Was freaking fantastic and there were some surprising moments in the movie. Was some pretty hysterical moments as well. Best. Movie. Yet! I also met a new friend named Andi.

💙 Like I said yesterday, I went to my Rheumatologist and he finally told me what is wrong with me. It's a little freaking stupid that at 23 years old I have to deal with this chronic pain for the rest of my life, since they don't have a cure for it or even a stable treatment for it. Kinda miffed about that. But I try to balance that with just being happy finally having a name for it. Finally knowing that it's all connected and I am not just making it all up (someone actually told me that before). I have new medication to try to help treat the pain. The only downside is I take it at night before bed and it makes my head kind of dizzy and feel weird.

💙 Watched the entire first season of The Originals on Netflix. I like that show better then Vampire Diaries (I read the books long before this TV show came out.. and I like the books much better). Now I need to see if I can find more episodes somewhere.

.: Little Loves :.

|| German Coca-Cola | German Confused Skittles that are like American Skittles Riddles | Time off | Hershey's chocolate bar | Writing | Blogging ||

What are you loving from this past week?

Thoughts on using a cane

Hello friends.

This is my second post today, which is a little abnormal for me, but there was something I just needed to get out there, and I couldn't think of a better place for it then here.

But first: How do you ladies like the small changes I made to my blog today? Can you tell what they were outside of my header? I did fix the clickable link to my Instagram, since I changed my name there. I spent a large part of today figuring out how to change minor things to my blog today. I'm glad they were super easy.

Onto the purpose of this post::

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So I know that I briefly talked about the fact that I am "broken" in this post about deciding what I wanted to do with my life, but I didn't really talk a whole lot about it. Well, the Army is kind of making the decision for me, as to what is going to happen in my future. If you follow my Instagram, then you would have seen this post about my "new friend" for the next unforeseeable future.

I have been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for the last almost five years, since the first time my knee felt like it was on fire int he worst way during basic training. I've tried everything the Army could think of, three rounds of physical therapy, a painful steroid injection, tons of stretching and strengthening exercises.... but nothing has really worked. I've spent multiple visits talking to my different doctors without much success.

It wasn't until I came to Germany that I was even taken seriously. In my last unit, we were part of the 82nd Airborne Division, where three times a week you run at least 4 miles and the muscle failure days can be beyond brutal. Deployment wasn't much better. Don't get me wrong, I love working out, but within my own limits without pushing myself past the breaking point. Unfortunately, the physicians at Bragg didn't care when you complained about pain in your lower body, they just automatically assumed you were faking it to get out of running. That wasn't it for me. While I wasn't fond of running, especially once it began to hurt, I had accepted that it was part of the Army life and was unavoidable. The issue was the severe pain I endured during and even after I was done running. Some people just aren't made to run, and it seems like I am one of them. It took three years of fighting before my old physician got tired of my constant visits and complaints and decided to put me on a permanent run at own pace and distance profile and instead of running for a PT test, I did the 2.5 mile walk.

This change offered some reprieve from the pain, due to less of a jarring impact, but the pain is still there. The walk, is NO. JOKE. I have to walk the 2.5 miles in 36 minutes or less, and if you've never done that before... I advise trying that right out of the gate. This is almost worse then the running. For me to walk this fast, especially with a knee brace that doesn't allow my knee much room to move, I have to completely adjust how I walk, especially if I want to pass the test. And failure is NOT an option for me. 

In December, right before I went on leave, I was sent to an Ortho surgeon, who discussed with me my options. He suggested a steroid injection into my knee, but he didn't know if it would help. He did x-rays and said he looked at my previous medical records, and said he couldn't see anything, but it didn't mean that nothing was wrong. I don't know if he honestly looked through ALL of my records, because I was told in 2011 that I had meniscal degeneration, thinning of the ligaments, inflamed surrounding tendons, a suspected ACL injury, and my kneecap tries to dislocate itself. The Ortho doc recommended me to my third round of physical therapy and told me to think on the injection. Upon going to Physical therapy, I was told that one leg is longer then the other, which isn't abnormal, but the problem was the difference was great enough to cause pain in my knee and also caused my knee cap to pull to the left. I was also diagnosed with chromamalaysia patella (an issue with the bottom of my knee rubbing against the bone below it). Three days before I went on leave, I decided to get the injection, to see if it helped any.

The bad news is that the injection didn't help, it caused me more pain for the next couple of days. The good news is, I finally went back to see the Ortho doc (my flight surgeon won't see me for anything involving my knee or that pain) and we decided on some solutions. Hence my new cane. He told me that the pain might be caused by something outside Ortho's realm of expertise and he was going to talk to my flight surgeon about his recommendations of what it could be, as well as recommending me for a Medical Evaluation Board (MEB) for potential medical retirement from the military.

Since I am ATC, my doctor is a Flight Surgeon (who specializes in Aeromedical medicine). As Aviation, we have strict guidelines on medications we can take and the doctors we can see. Basically, there isn't any pain medication I can take and still continue to do my job. It all "grounds" me or medically disqualifies me from doing my job for various reasons. 

Now I am awaiting the call from an MEB nurse to start the process and to talk with him/her about the things the Ortho doc said might be causing my pain. I am anxious to talk to them about these options, because I really want to know what it is. I've lived with this for so long and not even known what my problem is. It's effected my way of life and put severe limitations on what I can physically do. An MEB will decide whether I am fit to return to duty (potentially reclass me out of my MOS to another one) or unfit and medically retire me. Considering my limitations, I think it will be the second one. 

Yes, I was considering getting out of the Army. Partially because I need to focus on getting better. I have spent so long putting the Army and my job first, but I physically can't do it anymore. My body has finally said no and it quits. I am wayyyyyyy too young for this to happen. I am wayyyyyyyyyyyy too young to be using the cane for the rest of my life. Part of me kind of feels like I am giving up. The other part says it's not giving up but putting myself first finally.

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I just kind of needed to get that out. I am still waiting to hear from this MEB nurse and talk about the things the Ortho doc said it might be. I won't discuss what they are yet, but will let you guys know when I know what it finally is. If it is what he said it was, then it would make a lot of sense due to the symptoms. I really just want to know what this is.

Hope you all have a good weekend. Mo and I are just hanging out around the house. He's playing a new version of Battlefield that he downloaded while I serf the inter webs and look at my favorite blogs.

Finding My Style

Hello dear friends and happy Monday.

Monday's usually happen to be my least favorite day of the week, mostly because I have to leave Mo's house Sunday night and go back to real life Monday morning's, but today I am still at Mo's for a four day weekend, so tomorrow will be my most disliked day of the week (unless the other days get worse in which case.... I dunno what to do then....)

I was reading through some blogs this weekend and looking through some of my favorite social media accounts, and talking with Mo's roommate Jaz, and something occurred to me. Something I never really took into consideration or cared about before now. I follow people's blogs and social media because of their personal style. I adore Jaz, partly because of her amusing personality, but also because I envy her style. ((Honestly though, I don't quite know how to describe her style because it's somewhere between goth/punk and kinda hipster... which is the weirdest combination I can think of at the moment)).

This is me... Mon-Fri (and some weekends)

It made me look inward and kind of take a moment to self-evaluate. I have a weird personal style. Let me explain. Some days, I rock a certified country look (I grew up in Texas and spent the first 10 years of my life there... it was all I knew). Other days I definitely look like I belong in the military... jeans, sneakers, hair in a ponytail, t-shirt.... either that or I just look kind of lazy. It's where most of my tattoo's show. I've got days where I love to rock whatever nerd related shirt I am feeling for the day, usually paired with jeans and my Chucks. Some days, (looking more toward my younger days), I definitely had a punk rock style going on. I can't make up my mind.

I don't wear bright colors (except for the occasional Minion shirt). I hate the color pink (I'm kinda a terrible female in that aspect). I prefer blue jeans or dark colored pants. Dark colored shirts (blue, black, grey, maroon. I don't wear dresses or heels (except for super special occasions like the Marine Corps Birthday Ball last year... and then it's kind of a fight). I hate purses and would rather wear my plain black pack pack (except for the red and black Celtic patterned bag I picked up from Ren Fest a couple years ago). I only own like 8 pairs of shoes.... cowboy boots, two running shoes, flip flops (Floridian in me), skate shoes, sandals, ONE pair of heels, Crocs (savior of my deployment!!!), and two pair of military issue work boots. I like plaid button downs. I hate wearing the color white. I always carry a knife. And have a multitool nearby. I occasionally wear boys shirts, hats, and shorts.

I've never been a girly girl, at least that I can remember (I might have been when I was younger then 5... but my memory sucks and you would have to ask my mother). I don't mind getting dirty. It's part of the military lifestyle for me, my lifestyle. I work in the Aviation Branch of the Army. I control aircraft for a living. In my first unit, we spent every Monday and in the motor pool checking and working on our equipment. I was always dirty. Checking the fluids of our trucks or generators, or just moving shit around. I like learning how to fix vehicles, (I changed my own radiator at 17 and can change my own oil).

I'm getting a little off topic I think. My point is.... I am trying to figure out my style still... at 23.... you think I would've had that shit figured out in high school. Based on the way I dress, I either don't fit into any stereotype or I fit into several. I guess I am still trying to figure out who I am, including my style. I think that also translates to my blog here too.

Maybe it's me being envious of civilians and getting to express their personal style every day. I wear the SAME THING to work every day (ok... so I have several uniforms and I wash them regularly) and only really wear civilian clothes on the weekends. After work... it's either workout clothes or pajama's. I don't have the energy for real people clothes after work. I know people complain about having to pick their outfits every day.... but I really miss doing that. I don't get a choice. I don't even currently have that many clothes thanks to that. I did a purge of clothing before I moved to Germany last year. It's currently mostly geek shirts, plain colored shirts, plain long sleeve shirts, button downs, and like 3 pairs of blue jeans. I don't really own dressy clothes at the moment (although I think that should change just because I am a grown up).

What about you? What is your style?